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November 17 2012

Kangaroo
15:54
4446 5096
:))
Reposted fromworldsapart worldsapart

November 06 2012

Kangaroo
17:21
1577 47ef
A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictio
nary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

-----------------------

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

------------------------

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

-------------------

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

-----------------

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

----------------------

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

----------------------

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

--------------------

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

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8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

---------------------

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

---------------------

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

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13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

-----------------

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

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15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!



PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!
Reposted fromevangelyn evangelyn
Kangaroo
16:40
3471 6478
Reposted fromlolsnap lolsnap

November 02 2012

Kangaroo
07:36
4086 ca26 500

October 14 2012

Kangaroo
15:37
5064 dd07
Reposted fromThoki Thoki

September 15 2012

Kangaroo
17:18
9016 350b
Reposted frommisza misza
Kangaroo
17:12
Yesterday, I turned Twenty-One. 
Kangaroo
16:57
dolphin air rings
Reposted fromegor83 egor83

August 23 2012

Kangaroo
04:42

June 29 2012

Kangaroo
17:19
Reposted fromdurszlak durszlak

June 24 2012

Kangaroo
22:34
0743 3dac
mindfuck
Reposted fromzgorzkniala zgorzkniala
Kangaroo
22:31
0800 f6f9
Reposted fromsobol sobol

June 14 2012

Kangaroo
18:42
2579 3a7c
Reposted fromkredkowa kredkowa
Kangaroo
18:39
2642 d31a
Reposted fromnewest newest
Kangaroo
04:25
7222 61b8 500
Reposted fromPhoenixbird Phoenixbird

June 12 2012

Kangaroo
11:01
It's a parenting success in my book.
Kangaroo
11:00
via crazy-parenting-fails-i-aint-fraid-of-no-ghosts1.jpg (500×669)
Dann hat man als Eltern doch alles richtig gemacht, oder?
Reposted fromkdomke kdomke

June 09 2012

Kangaroo
15:02
0192 1845
Reposted frombluepanda bluepanda

June 08 2012

Kangaroo
17:09
7727 6380
Reposted fromawezome awezome
Kangaroo
17:04
7814 cb40 500
Reposted fromhdi hdi
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